Funtoosh Network  - New  Tech2buzz.com  - New  Rechargebatteryguide.com  -  PHPBuddy.com June 25, 2022   
Funtoosh logo  
        
    bookmark funtoosh.com     Become Funtoosh Fan on Facebook      Rss feed
Homesms jokesGamesFunny VideosVisual JokesGalleriesSubmit Content
  Jokes Categories  
 Popular Jokes
 Personality
 Men vs Women
 Garam Masala
 Ajit and Robert
 Computer
 Cricket Jokes
 Economist
 Indian desi jokes
 Life not a joke
 Men Gods Beta Ver
 Stupid or Crazy
 Office Humor
 Political Politics
 Santa and Banta


Other Sections
 SMS Jokes
 Games
 Funny Videos
 Pictures
 Visual Jokes
 Home

 
  Jokes Category  >>  Office Humor  Joke No : 78 
Employee handbook

THE UPDATED EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK

DRESS CODE
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers, and carrying a $600 Gucci Bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

SICK DAYS
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

PERSONAL DAYS
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

RESTROOM USE
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

LUNCH BREAK
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation, and input should be directed elsewhere.

Have a nice week!

THE MANAGEMENT

 Joke Added : 27, June 
 Joke Viewed : 26,342 times
Next Joke Current Rating: 3.57   (21 Votes)
  Rate this Joke  
Share this Joke with your Friends!
Stats: This Joke has been emailed 234 times!

Your Name     
Your Email     
Friend's email address:
1:  2: 
3:  4: 
5:  6: 
Optional message to your friends:

Image Verification
Enter Verification Number
 Automatically save form fields! (More Info)

* Funtoosh respects your privacy and doesn't share or store any info you submit via this form. For more info refer to our privacy policy.


Popular Jokes
  k After 2 years of selfless ..
  Stressed do this YOGASANA afte..
  A file that every office shoul..
  nt Lessons Lesson Number On..
  Can we also have an Office at ..
  rated with your boss? HOW..
  TARY'S RESUME Deer Sir, ..
   Yesterday we were recruiting..
  s starts in the office..... ..
  What will happen if IT compani..
   a company to employees! De..

Site Related Links
  Add to Favorites
  Random Jokes Generator
  Print Version
  Submit Content


Fun with Google Suggest....

39 Votes
56,782 Views
Political debates in various c...

67 Votes
46,016 Views
Typical Indian Husband - Beech...

157 Votes
86,293 Views
Film makeovers that you will n...

47 Votes
55,367 Views
Reaction of Bosses in times of...

294 Votes
124,468 Views
Whats this! Headquarters of Wi...

46 Votes
49,619 Views

Your Feed-back and commentsComments/Suggestions       Home       Advertise on FuntooshAdvertise on Funtoosh     
Copyright 1999 - 2022 All Rights Reserved.