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If only Resumes told the truth!
OBJECTIVE: To sit in a cubicle and stare at a monitor for eight hours, occasionally looking attentive when approached by a superior.
EDUCATION
School: Very Expensive
Major: Not Important
GPA: Don't Ask
EMPLOYMENT
* NETWORK MANAGEMENT (Present): Produced daily itinerary of television programs to watch. Duties included changing channels, avoiding infomercials, and staying tuned after those messages.
* DEBT CONSOLIDATION (7/05-10/06): Using various tools such as credit cards and borrowed cash, I managed to combine groups of unpaid bills into one monthly bill that goes straight to my father.
* RESIDENT INHALER (9/03-6/05): Assisted all students with chemical intake from purchasing to exhaling.
COMPUTER SKILLS
* Solitaire
* Minesweeper
* On/Off Repair Method
HONORS AND AWARDS
* First Place in Hot Dog eating and beer drinking tournaments.
* Said Toast at brother's wedding.
* Highest Score on Pin Ball Machine.
For further references, contact my mother. For positive responses, please pose all questions as though you're considering me as a law school applicant.
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