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Subject: Dear diary
Dear diary, I have never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much. I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women think with their heart. I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words " I do".
One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.
I said "WHAT???"
So she says the words every husband on the planet dreads to hear, "you must not be in tune with my emotional needs as a woman."
I am thinking, "What was her first clue?" I finally realized that nothing was going to happen that night so I went to sleep.
The very next day, we went shopping at a Marshall Field's store. I walked around with h er while she tried on three different and very expensive outfits.
She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her to take all three. She wanted matching shoes, I said "let's get a pair for each outfit."
We went to the jewelry department where she gets a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you, she was so excited. She must have thought I was a few French fries short of a Happy Meal. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet
when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said it was OK.
She was almost sexually excited from all of this. You should have seen her face when she said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cash register."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out "no honey, I don't feel like buying all of this stuff right now." You should have seen her face...It went completely blank. I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while" . And just
when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "you must not be in tune with my financial needs as a man."
I figure that I won't be having sex again until some time after the spring of 2018.
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