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Today's Joke: The 12 Stages of modern love story

Thu, 11 Mar 2010 13:15:00 GMT

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Today's Joke: The 12 Stages of modern love story
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

JANUARY - ROSE

FEBRUARY - PROPOSE

MARCH - GIFT

APRIL - LIFT

MAY - CHATTING

JUNE - DATING

JULY - MISS YOU

AUGUST - KISS YOU

SEPTEMBER - ANGER

OCTOBER - DANGER

NOVEMBER - LEFT

DECEMBER - NEXT

~~~~~~~~~~~~
Visual Joke: The Modern Women
~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.funtoosh.com/jokes/men_women/567

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Today's Joke: Religious Nuts

Mon, 08 Mar 2010 13:14:00 GMT

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Today's Joke: Religious Nuts
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two pandits from the local mandir were standing by the side of the road, putting a sign into the ground that reads:

"The End Is Near! Turn Yourself Around Now -- Before It's Too Late!"

As a car sped past them, the driver yelled, "Leave us alone, you religious nuts!"

From the curve, they heard screeching tires and a big splash.

One pandit turns to other and asks,

"Do you think the sign should just say 'Bridge Out'?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~
Visual Joke: If Men Were Left To Raise Kids
~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.funtoosh.com/jokes/men/323

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Today's Joke: A very simple operation

Thu, 04 Mar 2010 08:23:00 GMT

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Today's Joke: A very simple operation
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation. A nurse stopped him and asked, �What�s the matter?�

He said, �I heard the nurse say, �It�s a very simple operation, don�t worry, I�m sure it will be all right.�

�She was just trying to comfort you, what�s so frightening about that?�

�She wasn�t talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!�

~~~~~~~~~~~~
Visual Joke: When Gandhi met Vijay Mallya
~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.funtoosh.com/jokes/indian_jokes/453

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Today's Joke: US Government Business Policy

Tue, 23 Feb 2010 19:37:00 GMT

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Today's Joke: US Government Business Policy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It is the month of June, on the shores of the Black Sea. It is raining, and the little town looks totally deserted. It is tough times, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.

Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town. He enters the only hotel, lays a 100 Euro note on the reception counter, and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one.

The hotel proprietor takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the butcher.

The Butcher takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the pig grower.

The pig grower takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the supplier of his feed and fuel.

The supplier of feed and fuel takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the town prostitute that in these hard times, gave her services on credit.

The prostitute runs to the hotel, and pays off her debt with the 100 Euro note to the hotel proprietor to pay for the rooms that she rented when she brought her clients there.

The hotel proprietor then lays the 100 Euro note back on the counter so that the rich tourist will not suspect anything.

At that moment, the rich tourist comes down after inspecting the rooms, and takes his 100 Euro note, after saying that he did not like any of the rooms, and leaves town.

No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now without debt, and looks to the future with a lot of optimism.

~~~~~~~~~~~~
Visual Joke: Most funny toilet signs
~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.funtoosh.com/jokes/stupid/796

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Today's Joke: The Three Letter Agencies

Tue, 16 Feb 2010 11:29:00 GMT

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Today's Joke: The Three Letter Agencies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Almost 150 years ago, President Lincoln found it necessary to hire a private investigator - Mr. Alan Pinkerton.

The function that Pinkerton established actually was the beginning of the Secret Service.

Since that time federal police authority has grown to a large number of three-letter agencies - FBI, CIA, INS, IRS, DEA. Now comes a proposal for another agency: The "Airport Security Service."

Can't you see it now, the new service in their black outfits with their initials in large white letters across their backs?

~~~~~~~~~~~~
Visual Joke: Have you ever been this tired
~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.funtoosh.com/jokes/personality/1312

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Todays' Joke: Different ages and thinking

Wed, 10 Feb 2010 19:53:00 GMT

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Today's Joke: HOW A SON/DAUGHTER THINKS OF HIS/HER DADDY AT DIFFERENT AGES
~~~~~~~~~~~~

At 4 Years
My daddy is great.

At 6 Years
My daddy knows everybody.

At 10 Years
My daddy is good but is short tempered

At 12 Years
My daddy was very nice to me when I was young .

At 14 Years
My daddy is getting fastidious.

At 16 Years
My daddy is not in line with the current times.

At 18 Years
My daddy is becoming increasingly cranky.

At 20 Years
Oh! Its becoming difficult to tolerate daddy.
Wonder how Mother puts up with him.

At 25 Years
Daddy is objecting to everything.

At 30 Years
It's becoming difficult to manage my son.
I was so scared of my father when I was young.

At 40 Years
Daddy brought me up with so much discipline.
Even I should do the same.

At 45 Years
I am baffled as to how my daddy brought us up.

At 50 Years
My daddy faced so many hardships to bring us up.
I am unable to manage a single son.

At 55 Years
My daddy was so far sighted and planned so many things for us.
He is one of his kind and unique.

At 60 Years
My daddy is great.

Thus, it took 56 years to complete the cycle and come back to the first stage.

~~~~~~~~~~~~
Visual Joke: When a IT Professional gave birth to twins
~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.funtoosh.com/jokes/computer/239

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Today's Joke: DEFINITIONS for today's world

Fri, 05 Feb 2010 12:28:00 GMT

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Today's Joke: FUNNY DEFINITIONS for today's world
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

Nurse: A person who wakes you up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage: It�s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine water power.

Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through �the minds of either�

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Father: A banker provided by nature.

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.

Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~
Visual Joke: A Mechanical Engineer's wedding Ring
~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.funtoosh.com/jokes/personality/1307

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Today's Joke: The Smart Ass Answers

Tue, 02 Feb 2010 07:12:00 GMT

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Today's Joke: The Smart Ass Answers
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SMART ASS ANSWER
It was mealtime during an airline flight. 'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. 'What are my choices?' John asked. 'Yes or no,' she replied.

SMART ASS ANSWER
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'

SMART ASS ANSWER
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?' The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead..'

SMART ASS ANSWER
The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said. The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.' When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

SMART ASS ANSWER
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?' The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas...'

BONUS EXTRA
A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.

~~~~~~~~~~~~
Visual Joke: When it's appropriate time to say Oops!
~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.funtoosh.com/jokes/personality/1306

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Today's Joke: The wedding registry

Wed, 27 Jan 2010 14:01:00 GMT

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Today's Joke: The wedding registry
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jacob age 85, and Rebeka age 79 are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way go past a drugstore. Jacob suggests that they go in. He addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"

The pharmacist answers, "Yes."

Jacob: "Do you sell heart medication?"
Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds."

Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"
Pharmacist: "Definitely."

Jacob: "How about Viagra?"
Pharmacist: "Of course."

Jacob: "Medicine for memory?"
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety."

Jacob: "What about vitamins and sleeping pills?"
Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

Jacob: "Perfect! We'd like to register here for our wedding gifts."

~~~~~~~~~
One More: What is the 27th Letter of English Alphabet?
~~~~~~~~~

http://www.funtoosh.com/jokes/personality/1193

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Today's Joke: The expert medical opinion

Tue, 19 Jan 2010 20:26:00 GMT

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Today's Joke: The medical opinion
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart.

One of the students said, "I'm sure he has Petry Syndrome, those people walk just like that."

The other student says, "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks just as we learned in class."

Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him, "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?"

The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you'll tell me what you think."

One of the students said, "I think it's Petry Syndrome."

The old man said, "You thought.... but you are wrong."

Then the other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."

The old man said, "You thought.... but you are wrong.

So they asked him, "Well, what do you have?"

The old man said: "I thought it was GAS..... but I was wrong.

~~~~~~~~~~~~
Visual Joke: Result of Love Marriage!
~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.funtoosh.com/jokes/stupid/791

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Today's Joke: You are addicted to Facebook If

Wed, 13 Jan 2010 07:26:00 GMT

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Today's Joke: Top 10 Reasons You know you are addicted to Facebook
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You check your facebook account more then one time every hour.

You visit sites that list reasons you know your addicted to facebook.

You are one of the few people who actually use facebook chat.

You relationship status is only official if its been updated on facebook!

You find yourself saying things like "I will tag you in this photo" when you are out.

You tell (more like force) people to join facebook.

You have several facebook friends that you've never actually met in person.

You take pictures for the sole reason of tagging them on facebook.

You like to be poked and you like poking in return.

The world "poke" is no longer considered something physical to you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~
Visual Joke: 3 Idiot's most iconic scene
~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.funtoosh.com/jokes/indian_jokes/442

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