Garam Masala

Today's Joke: The unmarried pregnant girl

Wed, 10 Mar 2010 06:31:00 GMT

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Today's Joke: The unmarried pregnant girl
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A young unmarried girl discovers that she is pregnant, Scared She confides this news to her mother.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did This to you?

I want to know! The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house, a mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the Girl, and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the Problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family Situation, but I'll take responsibility.

If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account.

If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account.

If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each.

However, "If there is a miscarriage or unsuccessful delivery, what do you suggest I do?"

At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him...

"You can try again!"

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Visual Joke: Explaining sexuality using pens
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http://www.funtoosh.com/jokes/garam_masala/1224

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Today's Joke: Very Naughty Short SMS messages

Thu, 25 Feb 2010 17:29:00 GMT

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Today's Joke: Very Naughty Short SMS messages
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If necessity is the mother of invention, then� Frustration is the father of masturbation!

What is the definition of a healthy virgin?
One who has never been Bed RIDDEN !

Define contraceptive pill?
It�s the second best thing that a women can keep in her mouth to avoid pregnancy.

What do politicians & porn stars have in common?
They are experts in switching positions in front of a camera!

Importance of UNITY explained at it's best:
One Leg of a woman tells the other: UNITED we are saved, divided we are fucked.

Same Sex Marriage: What's the big deal in same sex marriages? I've been married to the same woman for 25 years and had the same old sex all that time.

Tension is when wife is pregnant!
Terror: When girlfriend is pregnant!
Horror: When both r pregnant!
Tragedy: When U r Not responsible 4 both!

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Visual Joke: The most funny toilet signs
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http://www.funtoosh.com/jokes/stupid/796

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Today's Joke: Girls and three friends bus ride

Wed, 17 Feb 2010 10:55:00 GMT

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Today's Joke: Three friends bus ride
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three friends boarded a house-full bus. some how they sneaked their way in the centre of the bus. They stopped besides a seat which was occupied by three girls.

The girls offered them seat on one condition..that they(girls) will seat on their(men) laps after having the seat. The men agreed to the condition and had the seat and the girls on their lap as well.

After some time one girl said to the man on whose lap she was sitting, "Are you an electrical engineer?". The man was surprised and replied "yes but how did you know that."

The girl replied "I am receiving shocks from your solder gun".

After some time another girl asked to the man on whose lap she was sitting, "Are you a mechanical engineer." The man was also surprised and replied "yes but how did you know that."

On that the girl replied "your piston is hurting my cylinder."

After some time the third girl asked her man if he was a civil engineer. The man was also surprised and asked her how she knew that.

The third girl replied "Your dam has broken and flooded my village."

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Visual Joke: Positive Proof of Global Warming!
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http://www.funtoosh.com/jokes/garam_masala/1058

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Today's Joke: THE GRACEFUL SEX

Thu, 04 Feb 2010 14:55:00 GMT

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Today's Joke: THE GRACEFUL SEX
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The grandmother was worried about yet virgin granddaughter going out with boys, so she advised, "You know about those damn boys, they go out with you, then he will try to kiss you, you will of course like it, but don't let him get away."

Grandma continued, "But if he got away, then he is going to try feeling your plump boobs, you are going to like it but don't let that sob get away."

Grandma pushed on, "Now if he got away, then he is going to lift your skirt, move his hand on your thighs between the legs and damn you will love it a lot, but don't let him get away."

Grandma took a deep long breath, and stressed "Now most important thing, listen carefully he then will pull your clothes down and get on top of you, you will enjoy it but don't let him get away that will disgrace our family."

The young girl made a good mental note. She returned late in the night with full of happiness and satisfaction."

Grandma inquired, "What happened?"

Young girl explained, "I did just what you said, when the SOB got on top of my nude body with that thing hanging between his legs, I flipped, turned him over got on top of him and disgraced not ours, but his family."

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Visual Joke: Introducing the iPad by Apple
~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.funtoosh.com/jokes/computer/255

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Today's Joke: The Bonus Payments

Thu, 21 Jan 2010 20:10:00 GMT

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Today's Joke: The Bonus Payments
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Pentagon recently found it had too many generals and offered an early retirement bonus. They promised any general who retired straight away would get his full annual benefits plus 10,000 Dollars for every inch measured in a straight line between any two parts of the general's body, with the general getting to select any pair of points he wished.

The first man, an Air Force general, accepted. He asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. Six feet. He walked out with a check of 720,000 Dollars.

The second man, an Army general, asked them to measure from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. Eight feet. He walked out with a check for 960,000 Dollars. When the third general, a grizzled old Marine, was asked where to measure, he told the pension man, "From the tip of my penis to the bottom of my testicles."

The pension man suggested that perhaps the Marine general might like to reconsider, pointing out the nice cheques the previous two generals had received. The Marine insisted and the pension expert said that would be fine, but that he'd better get the medical officer to do the measuring.

The medical officer arrived and asked the general to drop the pants. He did. The medical officer placed the tape on the tip of the general's penis and began to work back.

"My God!" he said. "Where are your testicles?"

The general replied, "One in Iraq and the other in Afghanistan... Keep measuring!"

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Visual Joke: Congratulations, why is it like this?
~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.funtoosh.com/jokes/garam_masala/1220

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Today's Joke: Nudist colony bliss

Fri, 15 Jan 2010 16:29:00 GMT

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Today's Joke: Nudist colony bliss
~~~~~~~~~~~~

There once was a man who decided he hated his life in the city, and that he was going to live in a nudist colony instead.

As he was a respected man, he decided it would be best for him to just say he was moving to New York. After a few months of naked bliss, he got a letter from his mother saying, "Dear son, as I have no recent photos of you, can you please send me the most recent one you have? Love, Mum."

Well, the man didn't have any photos of himself that didn't show him naked, so he decided to chop one in half and send just the top half. A few weeks later, he got a letter from his mum saying, "Thanks for the photo, and could you send another to your grandma?" And so he did, BUT...he made a mistake and sent her the wrong half. The man got really upset but then remembered his Granny's poor eyesight, and he decided it would be okay.

Two weeks later, he gets a letter back from his Granny saying: "Dear Jerry, I think your photo is great. But you really should change your hairstyle, as it makes your nose look too big."

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Visual Joke: Re-define focusing
~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.funtoosh.com/jokes/garam_masala/1219

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Today's Joke: The Women's Hotel

Wed, 06 Jan 2010 18:39:00 GMT

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Today's Joke: The Women's Hotel
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Four beautiful ladies walked into a hotel to stay in for the night, the name of the hotel read, �Pleasure Giving Hotel For Women� The ladies were convinced and walked in.

On the first floor a sign read, �the men on this floor are not good at having sex, but are very gentle and very tempting�.

The ladies were not satisfied and they walked to the second floor which a sign read, �the men on this floor are good at having sex but are very rude and self-considerate�

The ladies were once again not satisfied and went on to the third floor where a sign said, �There are nothing wrong with the men on this floor, they�re good at having soft sex they are very nice, gentle and hot� the four ladies were tempted to go in but decided to go to the last floor to see what was in it.

When they got there they saw a sign that said, "There is absolutely no one on this floor, this floor was just made to show that there is no way to please a woman"

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Funny Video: How to lose your job as a TV reporter
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Today's Joke: Eight type of ORGASM

Tue, 29 Dec 2009 13:15:00 GMT

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Today's Joke: Ball replacement

Fri, 18 Dec 2009 06:17:00 GMT

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Today's Joke: Ball replacement
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

These days we have optical and laser mice, but In the olden days a couple of years computer mice had balls in them and it required some maintenance for proper functioning.

This memo is from an unnamed computer company. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem, The author of this memo was quite serious. The engineers rolled on the floor laughing.

Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit). Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.

Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse.

Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist-off method.

Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended that each replacer have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction.

Any customer missing his balls should suspect local personnel of removing these necessary items.

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Visual Joke: The best Mistimed wedding photos
~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.funtoosh.com/jokes/personality/1285

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Today's Joke: The Race Car Driver

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 15:01:00 GMT

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Today's Joke: The Race Car Driver
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A race car driver picked up a girl after a race, went home with her and took her to bed. He fell asleep only to be awakened suddenly when she smacked him in the face.

"What's the matter! Didn't I satisfy you when we screwed?" he asked.

"It was after you fell asleep that got you into trouble," said the angry woman. "In your sleep, you felt my tits and mumbled, 'What perfect headlights'. Then you felt my thighs and murmured, 'What a smooth finish'."

"What's wrong with that?" asked the driver.

"Nothing, but then you felt my p*ssy and yelled, Who the hell left the garage door open?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Visual Joke: Double meaning photos
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.funtoosh.com/jokes/personality/1281

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Today's Joke: Getting to know each other

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 12:11:00 GMT

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Today's Joke: Getting to know each other
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A very rich man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, "But we don't know anything about each other." He said,"That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along."

So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort. So one morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10-meter board and did a two and a half tuck gainer, this followed by a three rotations in jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife.

After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.

"That was incredible!" she said.

"I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about ourselves as we went along." So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about thirty laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly out of breath.

"That was incredible!" he said. "Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"

"No," she said, "I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides of the canal."

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Visual Joke: Which one do you prefer?
~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.funtoosh.com/jokes/garam_masala/1217

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